By LESLIE LUDY
I’m so disgusted with the way most guys today act. I am usually sarcastic and demeaning toward every guy in my life. I sometimes feel bad about it, but am I really supposed to treat them with respect when they don’t deserve it?
answered by: leslie ludy
Being demeaning toward masculinity is a form of self-protection. We do not know how to deal with the disappointment of modern manhood, so we choose to cover our emotions with scorn. I have been in numerous conversations in which married Christian women sat around drinking coffee and bashing their husband’s idiotic behavior — laughing and joking with the “all men are jerks so we might as well get a few laughs out of it” attitude.
But this attitude only traps men in their weakness. Once a guy has been “labeled” as a self-serving pervert, a lazy burper-scratcher, or a mindless, grunting caveman, he has very little motivation to become anything different. I have talked to many single guys who have told me, “What’s the use in trying to change? Women will always see me this way. If I try to be noble, women won’t appreciate it anyway. They’ll just assume I’m faking it to get what I want.” Married men can easily fall into the same trap — “Why would I bother trying to be different if my wife is going to always see me as an unromantic, self-focused slob anyway?”
All too many men who would have otherwise risen to a higher standard have become stymied and paralyzed by the attitude of women who don’t believe that they can ever change.
No matter what disturbing trends we see in modern manhood, the worst thing we can do is participate in our culture’s scornful bashing of masculinity and label men as perverts or slobs who will never change. That arrogant attitude only creates guys who shrug and say, “Well, if that’s all she thinks I can be, then why would I bother trying to be anything different?” But when women actually believe that men can become the heroic Warrior Poets that they were meant to be, we cause guys to actually want to change.
God calls us to respect and reverence masculinity, not to scorn and bash it.
“…let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:33).
“…the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…” (1 Pet. 3:4-6).
The same principle applies to unmarried women. If you want the guys around you to start acting more heroic, don’t label them, scorn them, or bash them. Believe that they can become something more. It’s not having faith in a man, but in what our mighty, amazing, triumphant God can do in and through a man. Let your words bring life and encouragement, no sarcasm and disdain. James 3:8-10 says:
“[The tongue] is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.”
Proverbs 30:21-23 says:
“For three things the earth is perturbed, yes, for four it cannot bear up; for a servant when he reigns, a fool when he is filled with food, a hateful woman when she is married, and a maidservant who succeeds her mistress.”
Arrogant femininity is not Christ-built femininity. It’s a twisted counterfeit of our feminine power — using our words to paralyze and defeat men rather than set them free to become valiant Warrior Poets. As women, we are created to build men up, not tear them down. This does not mean that we lower our standards and accept mediocrity. Rather, it means that we motivate guys to rise up to the standard of Christ through words and attitudes of encouragement instead of disgust.
Ask God for His heart for the men in your life, and then let Him give you the grace to become part of the solution and not the problem. He will be faithful!