A Heavenly Perspective on Rejection
By Leslie Ludy
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
The lovely, innocent-looking teenaged girl fidgeted nervously as she shared her heartbreaking story on camera, hesitantly answering questions posed by an off-screen reporter. The account she shared was true, but so disturbing it was almost hard to believe. The interview was part of a documentary made by PBS, detailing a crisis that happened among some teens in an Atlanta suburb just prior to the 1996 Summer Olympics, which were held there. The crisis centered around a group of nearly 100 middle and high school students who were engaging in extreme and dangerous sexual activity, leading to an outbreak of STDs that became so serious that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services got involved in order to quell the situation. The young people involved were mostly from upper middle class, church-going, conservative Christian families, and most of them seemed unlikely to make such disastrous decisions.
The documentary interviewed teens, parents, pastors, and health department officials to try to get to the bottom of the question everyone was asking: What had caused these teens to embrace such self-destructive behavior?
The shy teenaged girl’s story was similar to what many of the other young people shared in the documentary — she had gone through a season of feeling rejected. In her freshman year of high school, she was cut from the cheerleading team and her former friends disregarded her. Though she had supportive parents, outside of her home she felt like an outcast — like nobody really cared about her or wanted her around. “I felt kind of rejected,” she told the reporter who interviewed her. “I started drinking and getting involved with boys, trying to feel better about myself.” Eventually, she got involved in risky behavior that led to disease, regret, heartache, and depression.*
Rejection is a powerful force that is often used by the enemy to destroy lives, as was so clearly illustrated in that PBS documentary. Although not everyone can personally relate to the shocking behavior of those Atlanta teens, anyone who has felt the sting of rejection can understand the intense emotions and soul-level agony it often brings into our lives.
Thinking back to my own childhood, I can vividly remember the cruel words and actions of peers who laughed at my expense and made me feel unwanted or worthless. The rejection I experienced didn’t lead to a story as dramatic as the teens in the documentary, but it did spur me toward many unwise decisions that I later regretted.
I have known many women who have remained in unhealthy romantic relationships simply to avoid the pain of feeling rejected and alone. I have known young people who try to find their identity in the twisted confusion of the culture because they are convinced that it’s the only way to feel like they are accepted.
Nearly all of us will walk through some form of rejection in our lives, whether real or perceived. And the way we respond to it can either lead to life or death. That’s why it is critical that we gain a heavenly perspective on rejection. When we respond to rejection according to God’s pattern, He turns what was meant for evil in our lives to good, as demonstrated in the story of Joseph.
Joseph was rejected by his brothers to such an extent that they attempted to kill him and then mercilessly sold him into a lifetime of slavery. He must have been deeply wounded by their betrayal and hatred toward him. And yet, Joseph responded to their rejection in a way that honored God. And because of this, God honored him in return and brought amazing restoration to his broken relationships. (See Genesis 50:20–21.)
Let’s explore three important biblical realities that can help us leverage rejection into strength as Joseph did.
Three Key Truths About Rejection
1. God has NOT rejected us.
Often the enemy will try to play off the rejection of others and cause us to believe God is rejecting us, too. When we experience rejection, we are reminded of our faults, failures, and shortcomings — whether through the insensitive words and actions of someone else, or simply the whispered lies of the enemy. As a result, it can be extremely difficult to accept the reality that our Heavenly Father really loves and accepts us unconditionally.
But when we truly understand and receive God’s overwhelming love for us and unequivocal acceptance of us, it changes everything. When we know that we are loved and accepted by the King of all kings, human rejection no longer has the ability to destroy us. Rejection from others may sting, but it can no longer plummet us into hopelessness or despair. And when we experience human rejection, we now know where to turn for soul-level healing and heavenly perspective — to the One who loves us unconditionally, more than we can even comprehend.
Jesus made some profound statements that remind us how valuable we are to Him:
As the Father loved Me,
I also have loved you… // John 15:9
…I have called you friends
…I chose you… // John 15:15–16
Just stop and think for a minute what those words really mean. Jesus is the One to whom every knee will bow, the One whom every tongue will declare as Lord. All things were created by Him and for Him. And He is King of kings and Lord of lords. (See Philippians 2:10, Colossians 1:16, and 1 Timothy 6:15.) And this amazing King has said that He loves us the same way that His Father loved Him — with a perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, eternal love. We have been called and chosen by Him. And He has promised never to leave or forsake us, never to reject or abandon us.
His favor is so much more rewarding and fulfilling than any human favor we could achieve. When Stephen was martyred for his faith in the book of Acts, he experienced extreme rejection from the religious leaders who heard him preach. They hated him so much that they drove him out of the city, surrounded him, and violently killed him. But even as Stephen was experiencing total rejection from his fellow humans, he was receiving a standing ovation from the King of all kings. As he was being killed, he looked up and saw Jesus standing at the right hand of the Father, waiting to welcome him into eternity. (See Acts 7:56.) Catching a glimpse of Jesus’ love and approval toward him caused Stephen’s face to shine like the face of an angel, even during his darkest moments on earth. (See Acts 6:15.) The rejection of others didn’t matter to him, because the Lord of Heaven and earth was proud of him.
Even when we fail and let Him down, God still pursues us with love. The book of Romans expresses the incredible love God has for us, despite our sin and weakness:
For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. // Romans 5:6–8
He did not wait until we were perfect before demonstrating His astounding love for us. Rather, He showcased His amazing love for us by sacrificing everything to redeem us — while we were still sinners, while we were completely undeserving.
In order to be free from the power of rejection, we must come face to face with the truth about God’s incredible love for us. When we turn from our sin and surrender our lives to Jesus, we are now in Christ — old things have passed away and all things have become new. (See 2 Corinthians 5:17.)
So when the enemy whispers words of rejection to our soul, it’s vital that we counter his lies by knowing who we are in Christ and standing upon the reality of God’s unchanging love for us.
For example:
If the enemy says, “Your earthly parents disappointed or abandoned you, God will do the same.”
God’s reality says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Ps. 27:10 NIV).
If the enemy says, “You are disqualified from God’s promises. It’s too late for you. Forgiveness may work for everyone else, but not for you.”
God’s reality says, “If your heart condemns you, I am greater than your heart. If you confess your sins, I am faithful and just to forgive you your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. As far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your sins from you.” (See 1 John 3:20, 1 John 1:9, Psalm 103:12.)
If the enemy says, “You are too broken. You have been too hurt. You can never really be free from your past.”
God’s reality says, “I will give you beauty for ashes. And I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten. What the enemy meant for evil in your life, I will turn to good. No eye has seen, no ear has heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man what I have prepared for those who love Me.” (See Isaiah 61:3, Joel 2:25, Genesis 50:20, 1 Corinthians 2:9.)
If the enemy says, “Because of what you’ve done, you are no longer worthy to be called God’s child.”
God’s reality says, “I will bring out the best robe and put it on you, and I will put a ring on your finger and sandals on your feet. For this My daughter was dead and is alive again; she was lost and is found.” (See Luke 15:22–24.)
If the enemy says, “You have been rejected by others. God will reject you, too.”
God’s reality says,“Listen, O daughter, consider and incline your ear; forget your own people also, and your father’s house; so the King will greatly desire your beauty; because I am your Lord, worship Me. I have raised you from the dust and lifted you from the ash heap to set you among princes, and make you inherit the throne of glory.” (See Psalm 45:10–11 and 1 Samuel 2:8.)
I encourage you to be proactive in countering enemy lies with God’s amazing truth. If you tend to question God’s love for you, take some time to study what the Bible has to say about His love for you: how He has chosen you and called you by name and how He has promised never to forsake you.
When you know that God has NOT rejected you — but on the contrary, sent His only Son to die for you — it will set you free from the power of human rejection.
2. Jesus was rejected for us.
One of the many astounding sacrifices Jesus made for us was to be rejected on our behalf. The One who is worthy of all honor and reverence subjected Himself to absolute rejection, shame, and humiliation for our sake. The verses below share just a glimpse of what Jesus experienced when walking this earth:
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem. // Isaiah 53:3 NIV
He came to His own, and His own people
did not receive Him. // John 1:11 ESV
…a living stone, rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious… // 1 Peter 2:4 ESV
Jesus was rejected so that we could be accepted. He understands the pain of rejection in a very personal way.
Hebrews 4:15 reminds us, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.”
This includes the temptation to let rejection pull us into despair, depression, or self-pity. So when we feel the sting of human rejection, let’s not forget that we serve a King who has felt that very same pain — in an even more severe way than we could imagine. He can bring comfort to our souls as nobody else can because He, too, has walked this path. We can bring the pain of rejection to Him and lay those cares at His feet — because He knows, He understands, He empathizes, and He deeply cares. (See 1 Peter 5:7.)
In addition to Jesus’ personal understanding of the pain of rejection, His response when others despised Him sets a pattern for the way we are called to respond when others reject us:
When He was reviled, He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten,
but continued entrusting Himself to Him
who judges justly. // 1 Peter 2:23 ESV
To choose love instead of retaliation; to entrust ourselves to the One who judges justly — this is how we are called to respond to rejection. We see this pattern showcased in the life of Joseph and also in the earthly life of Jesus. When Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy grain and did not know who he was, he literally held their lives in his hand. He could have retaliated against them for what they had done to him — but he chose love, forgiveness, and reconciliation instead.
When Jesus hung dying on the Cross, experiencing the epitome of human cruelty and hatred, He responded with forgiveness. (See Luke 23:34.)
This kind of response is not possible in our own strength; it requires the enabling grace of God. But let’s never forget that whatever God calls us to, He also equips us for. He will give us the grace to walk through rejection as Jesus did, if we simply ask Him for it.
3. Rejection can turn us outward.
Jackie Pullinger, a missionary for many years in the Walled City of Hong Kong, once told the story of ministering to a woman in her fifties who had been a prostitute for most of her life. The woman had been abused, mistreated, and traumatized in extreme ways, and Jackie wondered how she would ever experience true inner healing after all she had been through.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t turning inward, but turning outward that set this wounded woman free from her past. As Jackie took her to destitute people in the community and she sacrificially poured out her life for them, she experienced soul-level restoration and found true and lasting joy.
One of the enemy’s goals through rejection is to turn our focus inward, to weigh us down with insecurity, self-hatred, bitterness, or self-pity. But when we feel rejected, turning outward and giving to others is an amazing way to gain heavenly perspective and leverage the enemy’s plan against him.
When you are walking through the pain of rejection, deliberately turning outward and focusing on others may seem like the last thing in the world you feel like doing. But making the purposeful decision to give to those around us, instead of focusing on ourselves, is a powerful step toward freedom. It keeps the enemy from distracting us and weighing us down with our own hurts, and gets us in step with our God-given calling to shine Christ’s light in a dark world.
If you have personally felt the sting of rejection, it can also make you much more sensitive to the inner needs and insecurities of others and better able to reach them with lasting hope and truth. Ask God’s Spirit to help you notice those around you who are in need of a kind word, a letter of encouragement, prayer, or even a simple smile, and be willing to make yourself available for Him to meet those needs through you. When you have walked through difficult or hurtful experiences, it enables you to empathize with hurting people in a deeper and more impactful way than if your life has always been easy.
One of the most amazing true stories I’ve ever heard about turning outward in the midst of personal pain was the account of Betsie ten Boom in the book The Hiding Place. She and her sister Corrie were in a German concentration camp as punishment for their protection of Jewish people during the war. Betsie was sickly, starving, and suffering terrible mistreatment from merciless, hate-filled German guards who had been trained in cruelty. The inmates in the camp were not treated like people, but like animals. They were never called by their names, only by their assigned numbers. They had no rights and no protection of any kind. They were forced to do hard labor even as they were weak and dying. The goal of the camp was to dehumanize them and break them down. It is hard to imagine a more dramatic rejection experience than what Betsie and Corrie went through in that camp.
Each night as she and Corrie lay on their filthy, lice-infested cot in an overcrowded barracks, her thoughts turned to what the two of them would do once the war was over and they were finally released from that horrible place. But her post-war plans were different from what would be expected from someone going through such terrible suffering. Instead of thinking of herself, she was thinking of others. She had a vision to start a ministry home; a place of healing for people who had been hurt and wounded during the war. She dreamed of taking a message of hope around the world to those who were carrying pain and regret.
She told Corrie, “We must tell people what we have learned here. We must tell them that there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still. They will listen to us, Corrie, because we have been here.”1
Betsie knew that not only would God Himself give her all of the peace and healing she needed through her suffering, but that He would leverage the hardest things in her life to bring hope into the lives of others. And that is exactly what He did, even after she died, through the testimony and ministry of her sister Corrie after the war.
There is certainly nothing wrong with working through our own pain and seeking prayer, encouragement, and counsel from trusted, Christ-centered believers. But it shouldn’t stop there. God desires to make us strong so that we can bring strength into the lives of other hurting people. The enemy may whisper that your own pain is too great to allow you to consider the needs of other people. But God can equip you to turn outward even in the midst of your pain. Even when Jesus experienced the unimaginable suffering of the Cross, He turned outward; He thought about the needs of His mother and of the dying thief next to Him. And He can give us the enabling grace to do the same.
As Lilias Trotter so beautifully said, “Take the very hardest thing in your life — the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in that very spot. Just there He can bring your soul into blossom!”2
· · ·
One of the most precious promises in Scripture is found in Hebrews 13:5: “…For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” No matter how many times we are rejected by others, the Lord of Heaven and earth has received us, redeemed us, and has promised never to forsake us.
Jesus has declared that you are worth His very life. You matter to Him. So do not let rejection define you anymore. From this day forward, let His indescribable love for you remind you of who you are — in Him.
*Story taken from the 1999 PBS documentary “The Lost Children of Rockdale County.”
This article was originally published in Issue 44.
For more content, explore our article collection.