By ANNIE WESCHE
Looking down at the caller ID, I briefly held my breath before answering my phone. It was the doctor following up on our communications about Dad’s symptoms over the last few days.
“Annie, I’m really concerned about your dad’s low oxygen levels and his worsening, deep cough. At his age, there’s a real danger with pneumonia — something you want to get on top of quickly. And his heart failure is a delicate complication. My strong recommendation is that you take him in to the emergency room.”
My heart sank. Admitting Dad to the hospital was something both Dad and I were dreading, but I knew the doctor’s counsel was prudent. I went into the other room to tell Dad and as we discussed the wisdom of going in to the ER, he agreed and went to get ready to leave.
At 89 years old, my dad is a marvel to me. He still lifts weights once a week, swinging kettlebells and doing 100-pound deadlifts. He hasn’t had a cold or the flu in more years than I can count (until this pneumonia scare). He’s not on any pharmaceuticals and treats most of his ailments with natural remedies. But he also has peripheral neuropathy which causes balance issues, has congestive heart failure, and endures several other health challenges with a “giving thanks in all things” mindset.
For many years now, we have lived in a state of ongoing surrender with faith, knowing the Lord could give Dad many more years or He could call him home at any time. It’s given a preciousness to these shared days and months and years with Dad, and it is teaching us both to entrust what is precious to the sovereign goodness of God.
But as I faced Dad’s health crisis unfolding before me, I was contending with deep emotions. I was a daughter who wasn’t ready to lose her dear father. I also hated to see Dad suffer and have to go somewhere he didn’t want to go. But the heaviest burden in that moment was the weight of being the decision-maker. Dad had always been (and still is) a wonderful leader of our home — leading with wisdom, selflessness, love, and a desire to please the Lord. But in his weakened and frail state, Dad was looking to me more and more for what I thought we should do. And in the event that my dear father’s illness would leave him unable to make decisions for himself, the responsibility would rest entirely on me.
As I stood in the entryway of our house, waiting for Dad, a sudden wave of fear came over me.
I turned to my only place of refuge and silently cried out a desperate prayer. Jesus, I need You!
I don’t want this responsibility. I wish Mum was still here to help me, or just someone else to help bear the weight of all this … But I know that You love my daddy. I know that You love me. So I trust You. YOU are my Decision-Maker. I will trust Your Holy Spirit to lead me every step of the way. I set this heavy responsibility into Your care, Father.
Hearing Dad emerge from his room, I reached for my purse and phone, and as I did, I noticed the time on my phone’s lock screen read 1:43 PM. Instantly, my eyes began to well up with tears as peace flooded my heart. I could feel God’s strong arms of assurance and comfort wrapped around me in that moment, steadying my soul.
I realize the time 1:43 PM likely doesn’t hold significance for you, so allow me to share a bit of context. Growing up, my mum and dad had a shorthand for saying a quick, “I love you.” Just a simple “143” which represented the number of letters in each word of “I love you.” It was written on notes, dropped into emails, and sent via texts more times than I could count. And in recent years, I had personally started to hallmark the time 1:43. Whenever I see it on a clock, I will pause and say, “I love You, Jesus.” Just a quick moment amid whatever I am doing, to intentionally remember all that He is to me and to freshly express my love for Him.
So when I closed my desperate prayer and immediately looked down to see 1:43 PM, I felt it was the Lord’s tangible way of answering, “Yes, Annie, I love your dad. And I love you. I am with you in all of this. Take My hand and let Me lead you.”
God heard the cry of my heart to not have to face the uncertainty ahead of us or bear the weight of decisions alone. I had in Him everything that His Word declares He is — my Refuge, my Leader, my Burden-Bearer, my Wisdom, my Peace, my Comforter, and so much more.
After the ER ran various tests, they ended up admitting Dad to the hospital. And for the four days we were there, as they drew fluid off of his lungs and treated his infection, the Lord upheld both Dad and I in His wonderful peace that surpassed our unwanted circumstances. At each point of decision, I experienced the Holy Spirit’s guidance and peace. By the grace of God, I watched my dad move from frailty to restored strength and soon, with rejoicing hearts, we found ourselves coming back home.
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Caregiving continues to be one of the greatest honors and blessings of my life — not only in the privilege it is to be a conduit of God’s love and care towards others, but in what my soul has gleaned from leaning upon the Lord in surrender, dependency, and faith. I cared for two small babies in Haiti for over two years, for my mum during her six-month battle with brain cancer, and now, for my wonderful father in the winter years of his life. Fears, concerns, anxieties, overwhelm, weariness, uncertainty, loneliness, inadequacy … I’ve experienced it all while caregiving. But bringing each of these things to Christ and to His Word has shaped and strengthened my faith. For when I have turned to Christ, choosing to trust Him regardless of fears and feelings, I have unfailingly found Him faithful and good — sufficient for every need.
I don’t know what you are facing, dear reader. I don’t know what needs you have or the valley you may be walking through or the responsibilities you are shouldering. But God does. I hope my story will encourage you. Run to the feet of Jesus — feet that walked the road to Calvary so that He could rescue you, redeem you, and offer you abundant life in Him. And reach out to take the hands that were pierced for you — the same hands that are lovingly extended now to lead you and offer you sufficient grace in your time of need.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God,
my strength, in whom I will trust … He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
Psalm 18:2, 30
Oh, send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me…
Psalm 43:3
For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, “Fear not, I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13
The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.
Psalm 145:18
This article was originally published in Issue 49.
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