By ANNIE WESCHE
Winding through a maze of cinder block houses on dirt roads which followed no distinguishable order, I kept pace a small distance behind my missionary friends. As we walked through the labyrinth of multicolored homes, free-roaming cattle, burning trash, and playing children, I had a strange realization. I had made several trips to Haiti, but this was the first time I genuinely started to feel at home.
Only days earlier I’d been out walking those same roads, but had felt on guard and a bit awkward in the midst of a culture so different from my own. But suddenly there was a new feeling in my heart. I felt surprisingly secure, comfortable, and — something most unexpected — I had a strong desire to stay.
What is this? I have a job and responsibilities to return to, I can’t possibly stay. What is this new desire in my heart, Lord? It doesn’t make sense.
Every trip I’d made to Haiti was always a short one — just one or two weeks long — and though I loved the people I was serving (especially the precious children), I was always ready to return home again. I would frequently think, I’m glad I came, but I could NEVER live here. I was a girl who loved air conditioning, iced drinks, salads, putting hot rollers in my hair, clean and tidy clothes, and the quiet — things which were not always easy to find in Haiti.
But now, on the last day of the trip — with my shoes covered in dirt, my hair frizzy from the humidity, my skin itching from mosquito bites, and my shirt damp with sweat — I felt this unexpected desire to remain there with a people and place I was starting to love.
After reluctantly saying goodbye and boarding the plane home to Colorado, I settled into my window seat and pulled out my journal. As I tried to put into words what I had experienced that day, my desire to remain in Haiti grew stronger. Moved to tears, I closed my journal and silently began to pray.
“Lord, I don’t know what is going on in my heart, but I believe that You are doing this work in me. I don’t understand it. I don’t know why or what it’s for, but I give You this desire. Do with it whatever You have planned. I trust You.”
A couple days after I had returned home, I met Eric and Leslie Ludy in our ministry office for what I assumed was a typical work meeting. To my surprise (and delight) they began sharing with me that, while I’d been in Haiti, God had led them to say yes to adopting two babies … from Haiti. They shared the story of how it had all come about and how their little ones were in a vulnerable condition. So much so, that it had been recommended they send someone down to Haiti to care for the children throughout the duration of the adoption process. Eric and Leslie couldn’t go because of the four other young children they had at home, as well as a discipleship school and church to lead. But as they spoke, my heart leapt inside. I thought, I’m going to be in Haiti with those children. Lord, if they ask me to go, my answer is YES!
A few moments later, they asked.
In the ten days that followed, I told my parents about the adventure ahead and asked for their blessing and prayers, organized supplies to bring for the babies, packed up my life into two suitcases, and boarded a plane back to Haiti. But amid the whirlwind of preparation, I was also filled with awe over the Lord’s loving preparation in my heart. The change He’d made in me was miraculous, beautiful, and kind.
Had God not readied my heart, I would never have had the courage or peace to say yes to moving to a place like Haiti. And it was His undeniable work in me that became an anchor of faith throughout every difficult trial in the nearly two-and-a-half year journey we had ahead of us. Countless times I would think back to His loving preparation and clear leading, and I could trust that what He began, He would be faithful to bring to completion — however long it took.
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I have thought back many times to that day on that dusty road when God gave me a new desire. It has become a treasured memory of His faithfulness and Lordship of my life, and one that has led me to repeatedly pray, ”Lord, ready my heart for what You have for me.”
Psalm 37:4 is a beautiful and often-quoted verse: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (ESV).
Many may think that this means God will give them whatever it is that they are desiring: marriage, children, a larger home, travel, increased finances, a specific job, etc. And although God sometimes does grant us those things we desire, and He is a good and loving Father who delights to give us good gifts, I have learned that the beautiful promise in this verse is that God will shape the very desires that fill our heart as we delight ourselves in Him. He gives and grows the right desires that will lead us into His best for us. He brings us into step with what He desires to do.
Do you desire that? To be in step with His desires for your life?
Yes, it can sometimes be scary to think of what God may ask us to do — like moving to a third-world country when we don’t want to or maybe marrying someone to whom we’re not initially attracted. But when we delight ourselves in God and He gives a desire, it is not forced — it is genuine and real! He took me from fearing something to truly longing for it.
God can secure my happiness far better than I could ever hope to — for in Him is my deepest satisfaction, my highest good, my greatest love, and my fullest joy.
So, Lord, ready my heart. Give me Your desires, for I delight in You!
This article was originally published in Issue 42.
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