A Life Set Free from Self
By MANDY SAELER
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
Several months ago, I was asked a very unusual question as a room full of eyes were laid on me, awaiting my answer. “What quality instantly makes you dislike someone?”
I was completely baffled. It was supposed to be a lighthearted icebreaker — but that question was totally out of my realm. (I mean, couldn’t they have asked my favorite ice cream flavor?)
My mind reeled as I bought a few moments with a some filler remarks, “Oh, hmmm … that’s a really tough one … I’m not sure… “
I ended up somehow dodging the question altogether without any semblance of an answer and the next icebreaker question landed on the person to my left. However, once the question had passed and my scattered mind was relieved, I thought of an answer — but not exactly to that question.
The question that I could answer was what instantly makes me like a person — whoever they may be! And my answer was this: when a person is evidently free enough from self that they have eyes for others. I genuinely appreciate that! There is something to be said about the rare beauty of a person who shows genuine interest and delight in others.
Fixated on Self
Especially throughout my teenage years, I remember struggling with the exact opposite of having eyes for others. I was bound by insecurity in varying forms — whether it festered on something in my physical appearance, how I felt in social situations, or the way I would be perceived or understood by others. I had eyes for myself. I was internally crippled by the fear of man. And without even realizing it, I carried a silent agenda to ensure my own comfort and security at all times. My self-preservation was the very evidence of my consuming insecurity.
Ultimately, my insecurities were rooted in fear and self-focus, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. It wasn’t until I began to mature in my walk with Christ that I began to see my preoccupation and weakness for what they really were — barriers in my relationship with God and in my spiritual growth.
Beyond feeling a little nervous at times, or uncertain of myself in social situations — my preoccupation with myself was hindering the work of God in and through my life. How could I outwardly be who and what He had called me to be in the world around me if my focus was so effortlessly, and yet adamantly, fixated on myself?
Where Freedom is Found
As my fledgling faith was discipled at church, in my times alone with God in His Word, and through a handful of solid Christian books, I began to learn the concept of being “crucified with Christ” — and it changed my life. Day upon day, I was being trained in a thousand daily deaths to self to learn to yield, submit, and live to Christ. Small victories were won as my soul was coached in applying truth to the daily circumstances of life and the situations in which I found myself.
When I felt overlooked by my peers?
I die daily.
When things didn’t go my way?
I die daily.
When I was baited toward besetting sins?
I die daily.
I certainly didn’t learn every lesson in a neat and tidy way — there were apologies made, tears shed, and stumbles along the way. (Even as there are to this day.) However, the prevailing truth at work in my life — changing me from the inside out — was identification with the death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus. And that changed … everything.
I experienced death to self in Christ.
For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3 ESV).
So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus (Rom. 6:11 ESV).
I discovered new life in Jesus.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me (Gal. 2:20 ESV).
I embraced newness.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17 ESV).
I was released from shame.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
(Rom. 8:1 ESV).
They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed (Ps. 34:5).
I discovered the refreshment that true repentance brings.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up (Jms. 4:8–10).
I discovered a foretaste of true riches.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ … and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus (Eph. 2:4–7 ESV).
Let Love Rule in Your hearts
As I embraced the truth of God through faith, my reality changed as the cripplingly self-protective skin was shed from my heart. It wasn’t just the resulting freedom that was so beautiful though. It was what Jesus gave in the place of my natural bent. Through the picture of His own life lived on this earth, He gave me a beautiful vision for becoming a channel of love and grace and blessing — a conduit of His very life — to those around me as I walked in this newfound liberty.
For what felt like the first time, I had something of true value — not only to live for — but to share with the world around me. The old was gone and the new had come; and this newness was authored by Love Himself. The Love that had led me into true, new, color-filled life was the Love that would now rule in my heart.
Apart from Jesus, I had no reason to genuinely care more about the comfort and happiness of those around me than I did about myself. But day by day, I began turning outward.
I began thinking creatively about how I could utilize my time to encourage and build up the people in my life. When I entered social settings where I’d once felt suffocated by fears and insecurities, I began looking around the room for someone I could reach out to … someone who felt that feeling I knew all too well. Within the context of my own family, I sought to give more than I took. I made an effort to ask questions, make meaningful conversation, and ensure that my contributions were positive. And when I could, I slipped encouraging notes and Scriptures under bedroom doors.
It was only the start, but it was a marked shift from the self-consumed life I had been living.
In retrospect, I now realize that what was being worked out in my life was an expression of what Paul wrote in Galatians: “For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’”
(Gal. 5:13–14). And even to this day, the transforming work of self-forgetfulness and an outward-focus continues to be refined in my life. As my faith has matured in the years since it first blossomed when I was a teenager, I’ve discovered that self-focus can emerge in new forms. Sometimes it can look like prioritizing excessive work above fellowship and relationships. And at other times, it can simply look like becoming so busy checking the boxes of daily accomplishments, that I neglect to recognize the opportunities God may have had for me to show love to the people around me.
Certainly, as the work of grace continues in our lives, we will be convicted and refined in these areas. We will be challenged afresh to those daily deaths and daily acts of Spirit-led love in order that Christ might shine forth in greater and greater measure in our lives until our final day.
How’s Your Heart, Friend?
And so now I ask, How’s your heart, friend? Have you been set free from the entanglement of self? Would the cloud of heavenly witnesses watching your daily life witness a woman at liberty from preoccupation with her own image and interests? What is God putting a finger on in your heart that needs dealt with at the Cross?
May you be encouraged today to lean into His invitation — love and life await you!
Praise to our God for the wonderful Cross that bids us come and die, only to find that we might truly live through Jesus. Love through us, Love of God!
This article was originally published in Issue 46.
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